What I’ve Learned from Hannah’s Story

I recently read Hannah’s story in 1 Samuel chapters 1 and 2, and God revealed to me that I don’t need more faith, but a STRONGER faith in Him. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) states that “faith is the confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”  And, I must admit, at times I’m not so confident in God’s ability to completely heal me of infertility, and be able to conceive my second predestined miracle (baby) naturally. In true transparency- I have moments where my faith is weaken by things that I see, and experience in the natural.  So, I have to be intentional about feeding and strengthening my faith with the word of God; hence, my most recent reading of Hannah’s story.  You see, Hannah was one of the two wives to Elkanah.  He also had a wife named Peninnah.  Peninnah had children with Elkanah, while Hannah was childless.  Penninah would provoke Hannah to tears.  In other words, she would anger and negatively stir up Hannah’s emotions because she was infertile/barren.  Peninnah would constantly remind Hannah of what her body couldn’t do and of her childlessness, because she had children. 

Don’t we too experience this same thing in our lives?  We’re trying to believe God for healing, to conceive, for a healthy baby to be discharged and brought home from the NICU, but Peninnah, “aka”: infertility, pcos, blocked fallopian tubes, endometriosis, prematurity etcetera, is staring us in our face and constantly reminding us of our condition, our diagnosis, and our situation.  However, during those times we have to be like Hannah.  She went to God; to be in His presence, and prayed.  She talked to God about her deepest longing for a child, specifically a son.  She was in great anguish-distress, grief, heartache, and sorrow.  Hannah was heartbroken because she was in a low place spiritually and naturally-spiritually because she felt God had forgotten about her, and naturally because during that time to not be a mother was frowned upon.  So, Hannah went to the temple and sat at the feet of God, and prayed.  She poured her soul out to God in prayer.  She prayed to God in FAITH, and asked Him for not just a child, but a son who she would vow to give back to Him to be His servant.  1 Samuel 1: 11 says, “she made a vow: “O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant, and remember me, and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death.  He shall not drink neither wine nor intoxicants, and no razor shall touch his head.”

After praying silently and crying out to God, Hannah got up, ate food with her husband Elkanah, and was no longer sad.  I’m sure that at this point, Hannah felt lighter, confident, and reassured in her spirit and in the God that she poured out to in prayer.  Sisters, she was no longer sad because she made an exchange.  She exchanged her hopelessness, sadness, shame, anger, hurt, and barrenness for FAITH!  She made a decision to leave it all at the feet of God, and let her faith rise.  She believed what she prayed for would come to pass-she would have a male child.  She was just that confident in God, thus in my mind silencing Peninnah’s voice that had been in her ear torturing her all those years.  Fertility sisters, we have to do the same.  We have to take our broken hearts and spirits, present them to God in prayer, and have faith that he’s going to bless our womb with our predestined one (baby)!  Preemie sisters, we have to go to Him in prayer about your preemie’s condition while in the NICU and beyond.  Pour out to Him your fears, worries, needs, doubts, and then let Him fill you with strength and faith like only He can give. We have to silence the Peninnah (pessimistic voice of infertility and prematurity).  Hannah prayed, (1 Samuel chapter 2), and during her prayer it was as if she was reminding herself of who her great God was, as stated in 1 Samuel 2:2- “ there is no Holy One like the Lord, no one beside you, there is no Rock like our God.”  She prayed a prayer that reminded herself of God’s nature, and who He truly is.  We have to do the same by going to Him, and praying in such a way that reminds our spirit of who God is…that reminds our spirit of what He’s already done in our lives!

Needless to say, God answered Hannah’s prayer (1 Samuel 1: 27-28).  She had a son and named him Samuel meaning “asked or heard of God.” She gave him back to God as she’d vowed.  And get THIS, not only did she have Samuel, but she went on to later have 3 more sons, and 2 daughters!  God is such a God of abundant blessings! He gave her more children; more than what she asked for, or even expected. 

So, here’s my question for us:

Infertility and prematurity of birth is our Peninnah that’s angering us, and reminding us of what we don’t have and telling us that we won’t be a mother, or that our baby won’t make it home from the NICU.  How will you silence that pessimistic voice of Penninah?  How will you silence her?

I’ll tell you: FAITH, AND PRAYER!!!

Hannah went to war and fought through prayer and had faith that her prayers were not only heard, but that God would answer.  She walked away with so much faith that she finished her praying, and went to get something to eat.  If that doesn’t show confidence in God! She was unbothered at that point!

Therefore, here is my takeaway from Hannah’s story:

1)      Don’t listen to the voice of pessimistic Peninnah (infertility/ prematurity)! It may try to provoke you, depress you, make you bitter, and angry, but DON’T listen.

2)      Do like Hannah and cry out to God! Pour out our soul (mind, will, & emotions) to Him.  Remind yourself of who God is during your prayer time.

3)      Believe and have faith that what you are praying and asking for He’ll do!

4)      After praying, no longer be sad, but be GODFIDENT (God confident)!

5)      Repeat as needed!

I love you all!

I’m praying for you!

Tiffany Finley

" God Is Unbothered "

I just want to encourage my fertility sisters to not give up on their dream of becoming a mother. Your “predestined one” is on the way. I know that in this season of your life you feel like God is unbothered by your fertility struggles. It even appears like your wanting to conceive and become a mother is not at the top of His “to do” list. You’ve prayed, cried, believed, prayed, and cried some more, memorized scriptures to affirm your faith in conceiving, and yet, it feels like God has forgotten about your request - one of your most inner desires-motherhood. Oh the contrary! It may appear that God is unbothered by your longing to become a mother, but He hears you. He knows your heart’s desire before you even make them known to Him. He’s there listening to every prayer, looking at every tear that has dropped from your eyes, knows every emotion that you’re feeling at the moment that you experience it, see’s the emotional scar that was left by that miscarriage; that ectopic; that unexpected still birth; and chemical pregnancy. He knows and He’s there, and He cares! Although He may seem very distant, and unresponsive to your heart’s desire….He’s there, and He knows, and cares about you. As a matter of fact, He was there when you became so heartbroken about your fertility diagnosis. He was there when you FINALLY got your BFP (Big Fat Positive), but in the blink of an eye your excitement about becoming a mother turned into indescribable disappointment and grief after being told that the pregnancy was tubal, or you’d miscarried, or that no heartbeat could be found. He WAS there! So, you began your journey of trying to attain motherhood all over again, only to keep getting disappointed by bad news. You then think, “When will it end?” “Why does God keep allowing this to happen to me?” “Why me, Lord?” Does this sound familiar to anyone? Am I the only one who’s experienced such heartbreak, grief, and disappointment while trying to believe God for their “predestined one?” I remember after my second ectopic pregnancy, I was soo heartbroken! I also began to question God, and His love for me. To be brutally honest, my heart became harden towards God. I stop praying, I stop spending time with Him, and I didn’t study my word. Consequently, I became spiritually weak, starved, and malnourished, while my lower nature (flesh) was having its way with my emotions. Instead of keeping my eyes on Christ, praying, mediating on His word, so that He could feel me up, make me whole, and heal my broken heart, I’d become bitter, angry, jealous of other mothers who’d conceived with no problem, and discontent. I allowed Satan to use my struggle with infertility, and what I’d experienced as a result, to take my eyes off of Jesus. I allowed him to plant seeds of untruth about God into my head-“He doesn’t love you,” He’s forgotten about you,” He doesn’t care about you,” What kind of person would allow you to conceive and take it away from you?” These are all of the things that the enemy used to separate me further from Jesus, and I fell for it. I should have been drawing closer to God , even in the mist of my anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, ectopics, disappointment, confusion, along with everything else I was feeling, this was the time to really cling to Him like never before! Sister, don’t allow satan to use your struggle with infertility as a conduit to diminish your faith and relationship with Jesus. This is the time, more than ever, for you to CLING TO HIM!! Draw close to Him through prayer, reading your word, and anything else that makes you feel close to Him. Don’t allow infertility to rip you from the Father. Because then, you will find yourself walking around in your flesh-bitter, angry, quick-tempered etc all due to infertility’s diagnosis. DO NOT give infertility that much power! Infertility doesn’t deserve our peace, joy, strength, love, contentment, and most importantly, our relationship with the One who keeps us sane, and gives all those mentioned above. I’ve been there, and it IS NOT worth it! When you find yourself letting your struggles with conception get to you, sit at the foot of Jesus, and cast your cares on Him, because he cares, and will maintain you (Psalm 55:22). Contrary to your belief, what bothers you bothers Him. Now that I reflect back to that dark place that I was in at that season of my life; it was preparing me for this moment right now; to encourage, uplift, and be a testament to God’s faithfulness to my desire for motherhood. I can now tell you not to allow your faith to be loss because of infertility. Sisters, know that God is concerned about, and interested in this struggle that you’re experiencing. I mean why wouldn’t He, when He was the one who created you in your mother’s womb, and knows your life from beginning to end. So, OF COURSE He’s bothered, and concerned. He hears your prayers, and sees your faith in Him, and will honor that! He will give you the desire of your heart! And, when you find yourself feeling jealous of another expecting mother-pray for her, and that baby that she’s carrying! In your praying for her, God can work on your heart. He’ll begin to soften your heart towards that individual. I prayed a LOT of prayers for those that I knew personally, or not that were expecting. It changed my heart toward them, and I was able to take focus off of myself, and pray earnestly for someone else’s happy and healthy pregnancy, because I would want someone to pray for me if I were expecting. Was it easy all the time? No. But was it necessary? Yes! So, just know that I’m praying for you! I pray that God will open your womb and give you a healthy baby, and pregnancy. I pray that He will unhardened and heal your heart, and remove any bitterness, anger, discontentment, and jealousy. I pray that you will keep your eyes on Him, and trust Him in this difficult season of your life. Your PREDESTINED ONE is one the way!!!!! With Lots of Love, Tiffany