My journey to motherhood was no cakewalk, as I encountered many challenges- a diagnosis of infertility followed by premature birth. My diagnosis of PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) was given to me in my mid 20's. It inhibits women from having regular, monthly periods and ovulating on their own. After seeking the help of a fertility doctor (RE-Reproductive Endocrinologist) and two ectopic miscarriages later, I FINALLY conceived my little one via FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). I was so thrilled and ecstatic about this new life growing on the inside of me, yet fearful that I may miscarry or something terrible may happen again. Then, my worst fear became my reality on December 5, 2012 when a normal doctor's appointment with my perinatologist (High-Risk OB) showed that I'd already dilated 1.5 centimeters, and had a bulging water bag due to an incompetent cervix. I was immediately put on strict hospital bed rest to lie in the T-berg (Trendelenburg) position where the feet are higher than the head while you're lying on your back. The goal was to make it to 28 weeks so that my son's lungs would be more developed and he'd have a better chance of survival . However, almost 2 weeks later, 25 weeks, 5 days I gave birth to a micro-preemie. I watched his really tiny body get poked and prodded, be resuscitated several times, fight for life, cry in pain, but his cries could only be seen, and not heard. It was a very challenging time that I felt and knew was totally out of my control, which was very difficult for me because I can be a bit of a control freak. But, I had to rely and depend totally on my faith in God to pull my son through, and I'm so forever grateful that He did just that...thank you God! My 25 weeker is now a funny, loving, silly, rambunctious 4-year-old that loves everything about Blaze and The Monster Machines, Lighting McQueen & Mater (from Disney Cars), and anything monster trucks related. Being a mother is so incredibly rewarding.
NICU mom, it's Mother's Day and I'm sure you are grateful to be able to walk in that role, but I know that being in the NICU during a holiday such as Mother's Day is not your desire today. You would love to be able to hold you baby, and cuddle with him/her anytime your heart desires, but that's not the case. Right now the most important thing is that your baby remains stable, strong, and continues to progress so that he/she can some day be in your arms at home. I want to let you know that while you are feeling mixed emotions about this day, and wanting to just see the light at the end of the tunnel for your little one, I am praying for you both. I pray that God would send His divine healing and wholeness in health to your sweet one. I pray that the blood of Jesus Christ would saturate every organ, red & white blood cell, vein, tendon, bone, and ligament. I know that you are afraid of the worst happening. I want to remind you that God will never leave or forsake you. Know that Your Daddy-God doesn't want you to fear because He is with you and your little one every step of the way during this NICU journey and beyond. He is your God and will strengthen you both, help you both, and hold you both up with His victorious right hand (Isaiah 41:10 NLT).
In addition, it's my hope that you're able to hold, love on, and cuddle you little one today. I hope that you will take some time to celebrate your strength, courage, fight and resilient spirit as a NICU mom as well. Allow family and friends to celebrate you-take you to brunch, lunch, dinner, the spa, to get a mani/pedi, or take a walk in nature. It's okay to take a moment to celebrate the life that you've created who will someday call you mom. You deserve some much needed self-care, pampering, and relaxation although I know that's very hard to do right now.
So, take a deep breath and have an enjoyable Mother's Day! My thoughts and prayers are with you today, and always!
Connect with My Predestined One:
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- My Predestined One now has a private, faith-based support group for TTC & preemie moms. If you'd like to get connected with other women who will encourage and pray for you in a safe, loving nonjudgmental space to help renew your hope and strengthen your faith on your journey. Email Contact@mypredestinedone.org to request to join.
- Also, stay tuned for our website launch and other big news coming soon!!!
Predestined for Miracles,