I just want to encourage my fertility sisters to not give up on their dream of becoming a mother. Your “predestined one” is on the way. I know that in this season of your life you feel like God is unbothered by your fertility struggles. It even appears like your wanting to conceive and become a mother is not at the top of His “to do” list. You’ve prayed, cried, believed, prayed, and cried some more, memorized scriptures to affirm your faith in conceiving, and yet, it feels like God has forgotten about your request - one of your most inner desires-motherhood. Oh the contrary! It may appear that God is unbothered by your longing to become a mother, but He hears you. He knows your heart’s desire before you even make them known to Him. He’s there listening to every prayer, looking at every tear that has dropped from your eyes, knows every emotion that you’re feeling at the moment that you experience it, see’s the emotional scar that was left by that miscarriage; that ectopic; that unexpected still birth; and chemical pregnancy. He knows and He’s there, and He cares! Although He may seem very distant, and unresponsive to your heart’s desire….He’s there, and He knows, and cares about you. As a matter of fact, He was there when you became so heartbroken about your fertility diagnosis. He was there when you FINALLY got your BFP (Big Fat Positive), but in the blink of an eye your excitement about becoming a mother turned into indescribable disappointment and grief after being told that the pregnancy was tubal, or you’d miscarried, or that no heartbeat could be found. He WAS there! So, you began your journey of trying to attain motherhood all over again, only to keep getting disappointed by bad news. You then think, “When will it end?” “Why does God keep allowing this to happen to me?” “Why me, Lord?” Does this sound familiar to anyone? Am I the only one who’s experienced such heartbreak, grief, and disappointment while trying to believe God for their “predestined one?” I remember after my second ectopic pregnancy, I was soo heartbroken! I also began to question God, and His love for me. To be brutally honest, my heart became harden towards God. I stop praying, I stop spending time with Him, and I didn’t study my word. Consequently, I became spiritually weak, starved, and malnourished, while my lower nature (flesh) was having its way with my emotions. Instead of keeping my eyes on Christ, praying, mediating on His word, so that He could feel me up, make me whole, and heal my broken heart, I’d become bitter, angry, jealous of other mothers who’d conceived with no problem, and discontent. I allowed Satan to use my struggle with infertility, and what I’d experienced as a result, to take my eyes off of Jesus. I allowed him to plant seeds of untruth about God into my head-“He doesn’t love you,” He’s forgotten about you,” He doesn’t care about you,” What kind of person would allow you to conceive and take it away from you?” These are all of the things that the enemy used to separate me further from Jesus, and I fell for it. I should have been drawing closer to God , even in the mist of my anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, ectopics, disappointment, confusion, along with everything else I was feeling, this was the time to really cling to Him like never before! Sister, don’t allow satan to use your struggle with infertility as a conduit to diminish your faith and relationship with Jesus. This is the time, more than ever, for you to CLING TO HIM!! Draw close to Him through prayer, reading your word, and anything else that makes you feel close to Him. Don’t allow infertility to rip you from the Father. Because then, you will find yourself walking around in your flesh-bitter, angry, quick-tempered etc all due to infertility’s diagnosis. DO NOT give infertility that much power! Infertility doesn’t deserve our peace, joy, strength, love, contentment, and most importantly, our relationship with the One who keeps us sane, and gives all those mentioned above. I’ve been there, and it IS NOT worth it! When you find yourself letting your struggles with conception get to you, sit at the foot of Jesus, and cast your cares on Him, because he cares, and will maintain you (Psalm 55:22). Contrary to your belief, what bothers you bothers Him.
Now that I reflect back to that dark place that I was in at that season of my life; it was preparing me for this moment right now; to encourage, uplift, and be a testament to God’s faithfulness to my desire for motherhood. I can now tell you not to allow your faith to be loss because of infertility. Sisters, know that God is concerned about, and interested in this struggle that you’re experiencing. I mean why wouldn’t He, when He was the one who created you in your mother’s womb, and knows your life from beginning to end. So, OF COURSE He’s bothered, and concerned. He hears your prayers, and sees your faith in Him, and will honor that! He will give you the desire of your heart! And, when you find yourself feeling jealous of another expecting mother-pray for her, and that baby that she’s carrying! In your praying for her, God can work on your heart. He’ll begin to soften your heart towards that individual. I prayed a LOT of prayers for those that I knew personally, or not that were expecting. It changed my heart toward them, and I was able to take focus off of myself, and pray earnestly for someone else’s happy and healthy pregnancy, because I would want someone to pray for me if I were expecting. Was it easy all the time? No. But was it necessary? Yes!
So, just know that I’m praying for you! I pray that God will open your womb and give you a healthy baby, and pregnancy. I pray that He will unhardened and heal your heart, and remove any bitterness, anger, discontentment, and jealousy. I pray that you will keep your eyes on Him, and trust Him in this difficult season of your life. Your PREDESTINED ONE is one the way!!!!!
With Lots of Love,